Conspiracy Uncovered

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!
We Must Stop This Immediately

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier.  And, everything is farther away.  Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long
  our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones.  They speak in whispers all the time!  If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they’re red in the face!  What do they think I am, a lip reader?


I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn’t even recognize me.


I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!


Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days!  You’re risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.  All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days.  Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20?  Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank..  Do they think I actually ‘believe’ the number I see on that dial?  HA!  I would never let myself weigh that much!  Just who do these people think they’re fooling?


I’d like to call up someone in authority to report what’s going on — but thetelephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they’ve printed the phone books in suchsmall type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning:

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!


Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!
PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer’s fonts – they are smaller than they once were.


 

Scrabble, Anyone?

This is really clever. Someone out there  Must be “deadly” at Scrabble.

PRESBYTERIAN When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER 

ASTRONOMER When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER 

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters:  THEY SEE 

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters:  HE BUGS GORE 

THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters:  HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM  

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters

CASH LOST IN ME  ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY 

ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters:  LIES – LET’S RECOUNT 

SNOOZE ALARMS When you rearrange the letters:   ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S 

A DECIMAL POINT When you rearrange the letters: I’M A DOT IN PLACE 

THE EARTHQUAKES When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE 

ELEVEN PLUS TWO When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE 

SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

You may remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of  Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb.  Well…..Sheriff Joe is at it again!

Oh, there’s MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.

The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who’d like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.
The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million.
Teresa and I   adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered and current on all shots, in great health and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.

The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand.

He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 – $8 for the holidays and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the prison.

Yup, he was re-elected last year with 83% of the vote.
Now he’s in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn’t doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He’s kind of a ‘Git-R-Dun’ kind of Sheriff.

TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO..

HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF

AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER.
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (in Arizona ) who created the ‘Tent City Jail':
**He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.
**He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jail.
**Took away their weights.   **Cut off all but ‘G’ movies.
**He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.
**Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn’t get sued for discrimination.

**He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails, so he hooked up the cable TV again…..BUT   only let in the Disney channel and the Weather channel.

**When asked why the weather channel, he replied, “So they will know how hot it’s gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs.”

**He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.

**When the inmates complained, he told them, “This isn’t The Ritz/Carlton…… If you don’t like it, don’t come back.”

More On The Arizona Sheriff:

With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports:
About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued
pink boxer shorts.

On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.

Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their PINK SOCKS.

“It feels like we are in a furnace,” said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the TENTS for 1 year. “It’s inhumane.”

Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates, “It’s 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn’t commit any crimes, so shut your mouths!”

Way to go, Sheriff!

Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes – not live in luxury until it’s time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers’ money and enjoy things taxpayers can’t afford to have for themselves.

Ah, oh

A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one xx xxx, has sued xxx hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied … “Mr.xxx was admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight.”

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity….

      1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With  Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer  At Passing Cars.   > See If They Slow Down.     2. On all your cheque stubs, write ForMarijuana’ >    3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walkand see how many looks you get.
> 4.
Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. >    5.   Sing Along At The Opera. >    6.   When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won!   I Won!’   > 7. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Car Park, Yelling‘Run For Your Lives!  They’re Loose!’ > > 8.  Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy,  > We are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’

NOW, SHE IS A TEACHER!!!

In September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a History teacher at RobinsonHigh School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten.  On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks in her classroom. When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks.  ‘Ms. Cothren, where are our desks?’

She replied, ‘You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn the right to sit at a desk.’

They thought, ‘Well, maybe it’s our grades.’  ‘No,’ she said.

‘Maybe it’s our behavior.’ She told them, ‘No, it’s not even your behavior.’

And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period. Still no desks in the classroom. Kids called their parents to tell them what was happening and by early afternoon television news crews had started gathering at the school to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room.

The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the desk-less classroom. Martha Cothren said, ‘Throughout the day no one has been able to tell me just what he or she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now I am going to tell you.’

At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it. Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans, all in uniform, walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall. By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned.

Martha said, ‘You didn’t earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you. They went halfway around the world, giving up their education and interrupting their careers and families so you could have the freedom you have.  Now, it’s up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get an education. Don’t ever forget it.’

By the way, this is a true story. And this teacher was awarded Veterans of Foreign Wars Teacher of the Year for the State of Arkansas in 2006. She is the daughter of a WWII POW.

Let us always remember the men and women of our military and the rights they have won for us.

Blessings abound in our USA!